Notes taken from the book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Note One - Feelings
Feelings affect behavior. Denying feelings creates distrust of self.
2. ackowledge feelings to be in tune
3. give feeling a name
4. give child what they want in fantasy/imaginary/visualization
Note Two - Punishment
Dont make a child feel bad, instead enlighten and instruct.
1. instruct your feelings
2. state expectations
3. show child how to make ammends
4. offer a choice
5. take action
6. problem solve.
Note Three - Willing Cooperation
Get child to cooperate willingly.
1. describe what you see or the problem
2. give information
3. say it with a word
4. describe what you feel
5. write a note.
Note Four - Encouraging Autonomy
Dependency creates resentment and frustration.
1. empower and give options
2. show respect for their struggle
3. dont ask too many questions
4. dont rush to answer questions
5. let them explore
6. encourage them to use resources
7. never take away hope
Note Five - Praise
Too much praise can cause entitlement.
1. describe what you see
2. describe what you feel
3. sum it up with language
Summary - Keep up the Good Work
Focus on their work and efforts not their traits.
Dont label and confine them to a role.
Complement their good traits.
Using positive language can help change their perception of themselves.
Remember their successes.
Ask them to do something that they can accomplish.
State your feelings and expectations when they are off line.